Adoption in San Diego
This is an overview of adoption in San Diego County.
Adoption is legally simple and straight forward but emotionally and socially it is convoluted and complex.
Simply put, adoption replaces a child’s birth parents with another couple or individual who will parent that child for the rest of their lives.
The reason that adoptions take place is that sometimes babies are born into situations which are disadvantaged for a variety of reasons.
The birth parents may not be in a position to raise the baby due to their personal circumstances.
One obvious circumstance which may be a factor in birth parents relinquishing their baby for adoption is financial.
It is estimated that it currently costs $245,000.00 to raise a child to the age of 18.
Birth parents who are struggling financially may choose adoption as a means to provide their baby with resources and opportunities which are not available to them.
Maturity is another factor which may come into the equation.
Current scientific research has shown that the human brain does not fully develop until the age of 25.
Eighty percent of teenage pregnancies are unplanned.
The twenty percent that are planned pregnancies may not reflect the best of planning.
Many birth mothers opt for adoption because they are facing the prospect of raising their baby without support from the father of the baby.
A young birth mother may be in school and have career plans that preclude parenting.
As a general rule, birth parents are likely to relinquish their baby to a married couple that has both resources and maturity.
Some babies go right from the hospital into the home of the prospective adoptive parents but other babies and children take a more circuitous route which eventually ends in adoption.
Some babies initially go home with their parents or parent but are taken into protective custody.
Children end up in foster care when their parents are unable to protect and adequately care for them.
The generic name for the county agency which intervenes in situations when children are neglected or abused is “CPS” or “Child Protective Services.”
In San Diego County, “Protective Services Workers” investigate the welfare of children work under the auspices of “Health and Human Services Children’s Services.”
When birth parents fail to protect and provide adequate care for their children, even when provided with a reunification plan and resources to regain custody of their children, the judge in Superior Court may terminate their parental rights to free these children to be adopted by parents who are able to protect and adequately care for them.
Some times when parental rights are terminated for a child, that child may be adopted by relatives or foster parents who are already caring for them. In other cases, adoptive parents may come forward from the general population.
Channel 8 promotes adoptions by a feature called “Adopt 8” where children who a freed for adoption may be shown. Successful adoptions are also shown. The simple message is children need a “forever family.”
Channel 8 which is CBS promotes adoption of children who have become dependants of the Superior Court through a program call “Adopt 8.” A popular football player with the last name of Rivers has founded an organization called “Rivers of Hope” this organization promotes adoption.
There are two kinds of adoption.
“Private independent adoptions” are arrangement when the birth parents or parent place their baby with the adoptive couple or individual adoptive parent.
“Agency” adoptions are when a birth parent or couple relinquishes their baby to a licensed child home finding agency which then selects an appropriate couple or individual to adopt the baby.
In those adoptions where the birthparents are freely giving their baby to an adoptive couple, an independent person called an “Adoptions Service Provider” counsels the parents to ensure they are freely relinquishing their baby and understand the permanency of the arrangement.
Understandably, when a couple or individual adopts a baby, they would like to have assurance that the birth parents will not change their minds and come back later and take the baby from them.
In the past, there was a level of secrecy in relation to adoptions to the point where some children were raised believing that they were the biological children of their adoptive parents. This secret often created problems since it is difficult for the truth to be concealed forever. In many cases, the revelation of the adoption to the adoptee would come from a source and at a time that caused tremendous emotional distress. DNA testing through “23 and Me” and “Ancestry.com” has provided some individuals with this adoptive piece of their background as well information on biological parents and other blood relatives.
Now days, there are degrees of openness which birth parents and adoptive parents may agree to. The adopted child may not only know he or she was adopted but may have contact with their birth parents according to agreed upon guidelines.
Whether the adoption is an “Agency Adoption” or a “Private Independent Adoption,” the adoptive couple or individual will have a home study conducted to insure the baby or child is going into a home which will meet their needs.
“Home Studies” are conducted by social workers who evaluate the couple or individual on their potential as parents. Besides the obvious needs of providing a safe home and having the resources to pay for all the needs of the baby or child, the adoptive parents should be stable, mentally healthy and free of addictions to alcohol and drugs. Reference letters from relatives and associates of the prospective adoptive parents are sought to help the social worker get a more complete picture of the home being offered. At the completion of the home study, the social worker will make a recommendation to the judge as to whether the home is appropriate for the adoptive placement.
Birthparents that chose adoption for their babies may chose the family for their baby. Prospective adoptive parents present themselves through agencies or the internet by letters and videos to let birthparents know what type of home they are offering. A variety of factors may be important to the birthparents. Religious affiliation, political beliefs, education, athletic interests, musical talent, artistic expression, love of animals or camping might cause birthparents to select one adoptive family over another.
There is understandable grief experienced by birthparents that are, for many different reasons, unable to care for a baby that they brought into the world. Participating in the selection of the family that will raise their baby helps assuage some of the normal sadness that comes with surrendering a baby to be adopted.
The adoptive couple or individual may also come to the adoption with their own grief. Many couples and individuals had hoped to create their own biological child. There may have been miscarriages and even deaths of children. There may have been years of expensive and stressful fertility efforts. Adoption is usually not the first choice of the couple or individual.
Often, adoption is described as a triangle or triad with the birth parents at one point, the adoptee at another point and the adoptive couple or individual at the third point. Just as the birthparents have grief over not being in a position to raise their baby and the adoptive couple or individual might only have reluctantly chosen adoption as a way to have a family, the adoptee also will have a grief, the grief of the adoptee is the knowledge that, for reasons that he or she did not cause, he or she was not raised by his or her birth parents.
Counseling is available for individuals at all three points of the adoptive triangle. San Diego Youth Services offers programs to help youth and their families. One of the programs is specifically designed to support families in the process of adoption as well as when the adoptions are completed.
It should be remembered that even when adoption was the best choice and all three points of the adoptive triangle are in agreement that it was the best choice that does not eliminate the angst of the individuals at all three points. It is normal to wonder how life might have gone if things had been different. There are many human interest stories about reunions between birthparents and adoptees after years. There is an organization called “Concerned United Birthparents” that supports birthparents. As adults, and even before reaching adulthood, many adoptees seek out their birthparents. Often, the birthparents do not wish to be contacted because the factors which caused the adoption to be the best choice still exist.
Not all babies who are placed for adoption will be placed in adoptive homes in San Diego. Sometimes, birthparents and adoptive parents would prefer a distance between them. In other cases, the home that the birthparent selects happens to be in another state. There is an agreement between all states in the United States to protect children. The agreement is called “The Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children.” Basically, children should only cross state lines if they are being sent by family members to other family members. In the case of adoptions, the adoptive home needs to have approval for the placement of the baby or child and supervision of the placement will only be complete when the adoption is finalized. Adoption agencies and attorneys are familiar with I.C.P.C. regulations.
Some individuals who wish to create their families through adoption choose international adoption. While the international route to adoption is generally going to be more complicated and expensive than adoptions within the United States, the adoptive couple or individual is offering a life with more opportunities and resources than what that baby or child might have in their country of origin. There are agencies and attorneys in San Diego County who help facilitate international adoptions. There are also associations of families linked by the countries from which their children were adopted.
Often people wonder about the expenses involved in adoptions. Babies and children are not bought and sold. Regulations on the money prospective parents may spend in the course of an adoption are spelled out. Attorneys collect fees for their services. Agencies charge fees for their services including completing a home study. Adoption facilitators who help connect birthparents with prospective adoptive parents charge for their services. Birthparents may be provided with living and medical expenses. International adoptions are more expensive because of the travel requirements as well as government regulations which must be followed. In cases where the child has become a ward of the court, Health and Human Services may absorb most of the adoption expenses and may continue to pay for the child’s medical care. Family members or foster parents may receive ongoing financial support until the adopted child reaches the age of 18.
Whether an adoption takes place through the intervention of Health and Human Services Children’s Services or is initiated by the birth parents on an independent basis, the course of the child’s life will be profoundly affected. Even if you are not and will never be a part of an adoptive triad, understanding the basics behind adoptions will give you are greater appreciation of the importance of providing the best home possible for every child.