Reflections of the Mother of an Eighth Grader
Where did the time go? As I began writing this, my daughter was taking the entrance examination for The Academy of Our Lady of Peace. It seems like only yesterday that I was ‘sweating bullets’ hoping my daughter would be accepted into kindergarten at The School of the Madeleine. You see, at her kindergarten readiness test, my daughter listed butterflies as animals. Nonetheless, she was accepted.
I remember sitting teary-eyed in the “first-day-of-school-coffee” after struggling to say goodbye at the classroom door. Not only was there the achievement of getting daughter into her classroom that first day, but there was my personal mystification when I observed all the other parents were depositing boxes of Kleenex and crayons on tables outside the classroom and I did not have a clue how they knew to do that. (I subsequently figured out that those parents whose children were in KF or had older siblings were already familiar with the classroom supplies procedure.)
Often, friends and acquaintances have asked me about my daughter’s school. When I talk about The School of the Madeleine, I describe it as a ‘well-oiled machine.’ I assert ‘they know what they are doing!’ My opinion of the school has not changed in these swiftly passing nine years. Now as I look back, I realize how much I am going to miss the involvement that I as a parent, have enjoyed as my daughter has progressed as a student.
Amusing memories come flooding into my mind. In kindergarten, the students were given containers that featured objects with names all starting with the same letter. My daughter informed me that my heart started with a “V” and then somehow tried to convince me that was the sound. I was just about to approach the teacher claiming an object had been transferred to the wrong container when I realized it was a valentine!
A special treat for the kindergartners at Christmas was to have their pictures taken with their teacher in a large wooden sleigh set up for this photo opportunity. My child pointed to her picture and said “this is me with Claire.” For my daughter to even know her teacher’s first name surprised me. What did not surprise me were the wonderful qualities of that first teacher and all the teachers who followed. For a few of the more challenging last names, my daughter used just the initial. Every single year, I have felt the match between my daughter and her teacher was a good one. I have also been grateful that there are two classes for each grade because I feel it is beneficial to have the blending of approximately sixty children rather than just thirty over the nine-year period.
Another kindergarten memory I have of my daughter was on Grandparents’ Day. Since my daughter had no living grandparents, I asked one of her Godmothers, an elderly Catholic nun, to ‘substitute.’ This first Grandparent Day and all subsequent ones were made extra special by selecting ‘honorary’ grandparents to ‘fill in.’ I would urge parents who, for one reason or another, are not able to have ‘real’ grandparents participate on Grandparents Day to select ‘honorary’ ones for their children. Remember that it takes a whole village to raise a child! This is an opportunity to strengthen a special bond. I am especially pleased that pictures are taken as lasting mementos of these events.
I have mentioned the first day of school and Grandparents Day. All those special Christmas programs also come to mind. Obviously, the programs are an incredible amount of work to produce but I think the value of the experience for the children far outweighs the effort. For many of us parents, that may have been the only school event all year where we pulled out our video cameras!
For many six-year-olds, first grade marks the start of the shedding of baby teeth. I wonder how many thousands of trips to the nurse’s office have been made over The School of Madeleine’s existence with these dental milestones. Believe it or not, my daughter’s first-grade teacher pulled her first loose tooth out! This was an unconventional but most appreciated extra service.
Second grade is special because of the preparation for First Confession and First Holy Communion. One of my favorite pictures of my daughter in her First Communion dress was a candid shot a parent captured not on the actual Sunday of her First Communion but for May Crowning. The picture captures not only my daughter’s smile but also the happy expression of a young man, an upperclassman, walking behind her. I do not know who the young man was but he may be in college now!
From Kindergarten through eighth grade, The School of the Madeleine has a tradition of many wonderful field trips for the children. My daughter has gone to the Zoo, Mission San Luis Rey, and even Lego Land with her class. I was never selected for transportation due to the limited space in my vehicle and missing a day from work was not an easy option either. Nonetheless, I wish I could have gone on every one of those field trips. While I am wishing, I wish there had been a web camera in the classroom all those years so I could vicariously participate without interfering, I would love to have been the modern-day technological equivalent of ‘a fly on the wall.’ Someday, in the not-so-distant future, a parent’s ability to check in on her child’s classroom electronically may be an expected aspect of good school practices.
Since I am speaking of modern technology, I muse over the fact that the traditional drive, safely around the children talk which is given each year by Mrs. Wittouk, the beloved principal, now includes admonishments about not talking on cell phones while dropping off or picking up children. In 1996, this was not a common problem. Ten years ago, virtually none of the students would have had a cell phone, e-mail address, or personal web-site.
Please do not think that I am in any way disparaging modern technology. When little Joey collapsed on the playing field during physical education, it was the miracle of modern science as well as a myriad of prayers that made it possible for him to be given a new heart and being able to rejoin his classmates within months of that potential tragedy.
The years have not been without tragedies. The students of The School of the Madeleine were impacted by the 911 attack. More recently, the school was out the entire week of the devastating fires.
You may remember that the week of the fires culminated on Halloween. My daughter was not sorry to miss four days of class but the cancellation of the traditional Halloween Carnival really bothered her!
The all-morning Halloween Carnival is just one of a number of traditions that I will miss. A system of matching the older classes with younger classes in a big buddy, little buddy arrangement has created bridges of understanding and friendship that last more than just the year the match is in effect. Kindergartners are matched with sixth graders, first graders with seventh graders, and second graders with eighth-graders. This match of the second graders with eighth graders is especially important because receive their first Holy Communion in the course of the year and eighth-graders are going to graduate. The May Crowning links these two classes in a special way where the eighth graders help their second-grade buddies form a ‘human rosary.’
I treasure these Catholic traditions. This is why it was so important to me to send my daughter to a Catholic School. The School of the Madeleine is located on the same block as The Church of St. Mary Magdalene. At least once a week, if not more frequently, the children are in the church for singing practice or Mass. Since my daughter is an altar server, she had the privilege of serving at the altar when the whole student body was attending church. This has proven to be a positive experience.
In addition to the formal education program, The School of the Madeleine has provided additional opportunities for my daughter. From first grade through seventh grade, my daughter was in Girl Scouts in a troop organized at the school. The experience that she and I have had through Girl Scouts has been truly extraordinary. When I say extraordinary, I really mean it! When all of us mothers had totally run out of the time and energy to lead the troop, God sent an angel in the form of Jennifer Orschack. This enthusiastic young single woman with a long history of girl scouting showed up to buy Girl Scout cookies at a table we were staffing in front of a grocery store. She was delighted with the prospect of working with the troop and we were more than delighted to delegate this responsibility to her. All of us parents and girls will be forever indebted to Jennifer for all the time effort and enthusiasm she invested in troop 3675. I don’t even blame her for my big mistake of buying $1000. worth of extra boxes of girl scout cookies one year. If any of you should ever do the same thing in an overly generous impulse to have your daughter earn prizes, be assured, the cookies will eventually be eaten… they may not be purchased by anybody, but they will be eaten.
There has also been a variety of after school sports to play. My daughter had an opportunity to try soccer and basketball and finally found her niche in volleyball where her team came close to winning the Catholic School championship. I think there are valuable life lessons to be learned in participating in a team and this has been a good learning opportunity for my daughter. Even if your child does not have any interest in sports, the PE program provides a variety of experiences. The School of the Madeleine also distributes flyers from local sports leagues so that further sports opportunities may also be explored.
One vital service offered through The School of the Madeleine is after-school care. When my daughter was a kindergartner, the program was a simple one run by the mother of some of the students. Initially, my daughter would come in, sit down, and promptly fall asleep with her head on one of the desks in the trailer. Between kindergarten and first grade, my daughter attended Camp Madeleine, which was a summer offering, which ended when work on the library began.
The change from the School of the Madeleine mother to the YMCA was a good one. The young people sent in by the YMCA added another enriching dimension to the School of the Madeleine experience for my daughter who, due to my work schedule was often the last to leave in the evening. My favorite memories of the after-school program was a spaghetti dinner for the parents where we were quizzed on obscure details of the program. There was another time when there was an art auction with works the children had really spent much time on. Of course, I bid big bucks on my daughter’s masterpiece. It was for a good cause.
I think The School of the Madeleine is a good cause. As my daughter’s time at this excellent school comes to an end, I reflect back on the contributions that I made to improve the school. Yes, I contributed in one way or another to a few improvements! I would have done more if I could, but I did do some things. The annual fund-raising dinner dance did not have name tags for everybody until I facilitated this. Now, nametags for all are a ‘given.’
The lost-and-found did not have a clothing rack until I came up with it. Having found many items of my daughter’s clothing over the past nine years, I would say to all parents that there are fine-tipped laundry markers that will make what you write on those labels on a little more legible. I am fully in support of uniforms for the students but it sure makes reuniting a child with his or her clothes a difficult proposition.
Name tags and a clothing rack were not my biggest improvements for the school. The lower sidewalk connecting Ilion to Gardena did not exist until I made a request to the City of San Diego. Before being paved and protected by a retaining wall, this route was strewn with dangerous rocks and giant weds. I really mean giant tumbleweeds with stickers. Parents as well as children had fallen using this trail.
Perhaps my most significant contributions are a little subtle but have decreased the tardiness in that vital ‘time-window’ in the morning when parents drop their children off before the second bell. Northbound Morena Blvd. The Knoxville intersection used to have two lanes where cars could proceed straight. Of course, desperate parents of School of the Madeleine students needed to turn right and proceed toward Ilion. This turn can legally be made at a red light after stopping. Almost all the time, it is possible to make this turn on red that was not always true. Before my intervention, all it took was one vehicle going straight on Morena Boulevard to stop a long line of frantic parents from turning right on Knoxville. The irony of this blocked right lane was that in the next few feet after the lane crossed the Knoxville intersection, it ended. Over the years, I wonder how many thousands of drivers were oblivious to the fact that they were stopped at a red light blocking a line of frantic parents from getting their children to school on time.
I approached the City Streets Department of San Diego about this turn lane dilemma. An engineer dutifully investigated my complaint but rejected my recommendation that the right lane is designated ‘right turn only.’ The engineer concluded that my idea would create a problem for the left lane in vehicles stopping to wait for an opportunity to turn left. Well, I took matters into my own hands. I decided to create the illusion of a ‘right turn only’ lane by spray painting white squares on the street. This was a little challenging, as I had to wait for traffic to subside between each square I sprayed but eventually I had created the type of line that would indicate ‘right turn only.’ This is probably the closest I have come in my life to anything that would border on criminal activity. I suppose my spray paint escapade could qualify as ‘defacing public property.’ (I am not putting my name on this memoir just in case there could be repercussions.) It was not a very straight line of squares and eventually, they were painted over in black. Not too long after my effort was covered over, the real legitimate ‘right-turn-only’ lane appeared! Students have been delivered steadily ever since!
I wish to turn my attention for a moment to the noblemen and women who stand in front of the school to help off-load the children once we pull over to the curb. This is a vital service that I happily performed myself over the years. Helping get the kids out of the car with their backpacks and projects is a wonderful service. I remember once there was a girl sitting on the driver’s side in the back seat and her skirt had gotten shut in her door. She could not get the door open and could not pull her skirt from the door. I think we had to wave her on so those parents waiting behind in line could deliver their children. As the time gets tight, it is essential to get the last cars to reach the curb off-loaded so the whole line that is at the curb can pull out and move on thus making-way for the next set of parents anxious to beat the second bell. I supposed at some time in the distant future I will long remember the thrill of getting my child to school on time or the emotional defeat of seeing the crossing guards already heading toward the school knowing my daughter had to join the line waiting for tardy slips!
I am happy to have had to do service hours especially lunch duty as part of my obligation for sending my child to The School of the Madeleine. I guess I should modify my lunch duty statement a little! Until those 5 lunch duty hours were no longer obligatory, I never signed up to do lunch duty. That’s right. I had a fear I would sign up and then forget to show up. Signing up and failing to show was such a serious offense I was terrified. I found a way of fulfilling my lunch obligation without signing up and that was to show up on rainy days when they always needed extra help because the children must eat in their classrooms.
Another fun way to do service hours is to be involved with a dinner dance. One year, I got to make an emergency run to a huge wholesale flower place in Encinitas because we discovered we were short of some vital flower while working on the centerpieces.
I have also helped photograph grandparents with their grandchildren on Grandparents Day. I have occasionally helped at a class party. I have wished I could do more but I always seemed like my work commitments interfered.
There were several big contributions that I had in mind for The School of the Madeleine that did not come to be. I felt that an amphitheater or gazebo on the slope just to the south of the southern end of the school building would be a nice addition. I also feel that a walkway on the western perimeter of the parking lot would allow much safer delivery and pick-up students. If I had the money I would buy new chairs for all the classrooms that allowed the children’s feet to rest comfortably on the floor.
I was a little negligent in small contributions too. I wasn’t very good about buying ‘scrip’ but thought I could get a significant amount of money for the school by getting all my friends and neighbors set up through the Vons e-scrip program. I never got around to this. I purchased many items at Office Depot forgetting to mention The School of the Madeleine so the school missed out on some free supplies. I did donate reams of paper I got for recycling ink cartridges at Office Depot.
There are a few things that I would change at The School of the Madeleine. I would bring back the red sweatshirts. They added a cheerful splash of color that I now miss. The lunch situation is something I would like to modify if I could. I feel that entirely too much food is thrown out as children eat hastily as they are impatient to go and play. I also feel that far too much litter ends up in the playground. Too much paper goes to the dump that should be recycled. Finally, too much chewing gum does not make it to the dump! I have observed a tremendous amount of chewing gum stuck to the walkways at the school. I feel this needs to be cleaned up and all chewing gum needs to be banned. In nine years, I made no impact on these issues.
I tried to be organized but in retrospect, I wish I had been even more organized. I did keep a calendar on the refrigerator and posted the monthly schedule on a big bulletin board right next to the refrigerator but, even at that, most teacher enrichment days snuck up on me. Likewise, I did not always pay attention to the half-days. I would have made a policy to inspect the contents of my daughter’s backpack every single night rather than discovering I missed a deadline either because she failed to hand me something or failed to then hand in something, I had sent back with her. I wish had taken the time as soon as it arrived to read the school newsletter.
Here are a few thoughts for parents of kindergartners. I had a rubber stamp made that reads “School of the Madeleine” for the many checks I wrote over the years. (I will turn it in to the office after graduation.) I wish I made two photocopies of the spelling list each week and posted one copy in the bathroom and the other in the car. I found that requiring my daughter to use graph paper in math resulted in accuracy especially in terms of columns.
I cannot believe all of this will soon come to an end, To be honest, my daughter is more than ready to move on. I realized that is to be expected of a teenager and is as it should be. But what about me? I am not ready to let go of all that has been so wonderful. These precious nine years that have somehow magically transported a little kindergartener into a young adult have flown by for me. Where did the time go?